This moment in motherhood

Corinne wrote a beautiful post on the Duality of Motherhood. Before reading what I am going to write, please go over and read her words.

Her words are resonating with me greatly tonight. Marie-Therese is sick. The kind of sick that kept me awake almost all of last night, her bouts of coughing had me going back and forth from my room to her bedside at least once an hour. Every time I bent over her, gently brushed her hair out of her face, whispered if there was anything she needed, she sweetly said "I'm okay Momma, thank you for coming to check on me."

This morning when my alarm went off I wanted nothing more than to stay in my bed. She finally was sleeping peacefully but the smell of coffee had made it's way up the stairs to my nose and my body, even though it hadn't gotten much sleep knew that it was time to get up. I made my way down to my chair for my morning routine of prayers, journaling & watching the sunrise.

And that is how she found me about an hour later. My big little girl came downstairs with tears running down her face, a chest wracking cough and bright red cheeks. I asked what she needed and she replied in her laryngitis voice "just to cuddle with you" and so we did. She curled into my body like she hasn't since she was much littler. I soaked up all those minutes, that she still needs me, still trusts that she can come to me and I can fix whatever ails her. Even if I can't take the pain of sickness away, I can wrap my arms and blanket around her and pull her close and whisper words of comfort.

All day long I went between sitting on the couch with her and caring for Veronica who didn't understand why her best playmate wouldn't play and decided that she too needed extra Momma cuddles today.

By supper time I was touched out. I wanted nothing more than to retreat to my bed, alone, to sleep for hopefully the whole night. As I was finishing up eating a small body made her way from the couch to my side and lay her head on my lap "can you come back and cuddle with me, please?" Of course little girl.

It is now just after nine o'clock and both girls have been in bed for awhile. I know that tonight holds much of the same as last night. Every time the coughing fit starts I will go to her side to make sure she doesn't need anything. The pull of sleep, the pull of my own bed will be nothing compared to the pull of my little girl.

Corinne's words tonight about the daulity of motherhood hit me so deeply because I am living it. Tonight especaily, the desire to have no one touch me, the desire to have a few moments of quiet, to sleep through the night. And yet the desire to make sure that my child is well, that she has the assuarance and comfort that when she calls I will be there with medicine, water, and whispers of love over-rides the needs of myself.

This is my moment in motherhood. There are so many moments that make up this life of mothering little one's. I wouldn't give up any, good or bad. I am honored I get to mother these girls.