Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Coffee cup reflections

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Today give yourself permission to be you.
To create a creative mess.
To sit with a book or knitting.
To hold a mug of something hot and stare out the window.
To say 'yes' more than 'no'.
To listen to your body & it's cues.
To eat healthy & drink water,
but also sneak a bite of chocolate.

Today give yourself permission to let go of the worry and anxiety.
Live in the moment of right now.
Feel your emotions and allow them to be.
Dream the big dreams and believe they will come true.

Today give yourself permission to take care of you.
What does your heart desire today?

To draw.
To paint.
To write.
To relax.
To have a dance party.
To move your body.
To sit in silence.

Today give yourself permission.

Monday, March 23, 2015

This moment in motherhood

My big girl had a rough night with a yucky cough. I think today will be a day of pajamas and too much tv.

Corinne wrote a beautiful post on the Duality of Motherhood. Before reading what I am going to write, please go over and read her words.

Her words are resonating with me greatly tonight. Marie-Therese is sick. The kind of sick that kept me awake almost all of last night, her bouts of coughing had me going back and forth from my room to her bedside at least once an hour. Every time I bent over her, gently brushed her hair out of her face, whispered if there was anything she needed, she sweetly said "I'm okay Momma, thank you for coming to check on me."

This morning when my alarm went off I wanted nothing more than to stay in my bed. She finally was sleeping peacefully but the smell of coffee had made it's way up the stairs to my nose and my body, even though it hadn't gotten much sleep knew that it was time to get up. I made my way down to my chair for my morning routine of prayers, journaling & watching the sunrise.

And that is how she found me about an hour later. My big little girl came downstairs with tears running down her face, a chest wracking cough and bright red cheeks. I asked what she needed and she replied in her laryngitis voice "just to cuddle with you" and so we did. She curled into my body like she hasn't since she was much littler. I soaked up all those minutes, that she still needs me, still trusts that she can come to me and I can fix whatever ails her. Even if I can't take the pain of sickness away, I can wrap my arms and blanket around her and pull her close and whisper words of comfort.

All day long I went between sitting on the couch with her and caring for Veronica who didn't understand why her best playmate wouldn't play and decided that she too needed extra Momma cuddles today.

By supper time I was touched out. I wanted nothing more than to retreat to my bed, alone, to sleep for hopefully the whole night. As I was finishing up eating a small body made her way from the couch to my side and lay her head on my lap "can you come back and cuddle with me, please?" Of course little girl.

It is now just after nine o'clock and both girls have been in bed for awhile. I know that tonight holds much of the same as last night. Every time the coughing fit starts I will go to her side to make sure she doesn't need anything. The pull of sleep, the pull of my own bed will be nothing compared to the pull of my little girl.

Corinne's words tonight about the daulity of motherhood hit me so deeply because I am living it. Tonight especaily, the desire to have no one touch me, the desire to have a few moments of quiet, to sleep through the night. And yet the desire to make sure that my child is well, that she has the assuarance and comfort that when she calls I will be there with medicine, water, and whispers of love over-rides the needs of myself.

This is my moment in motherhood. There are so many moments that make up this life of mothering little one's. I wouldn't give up any, good or bad. I am honored I get to mother these girls.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Saint Patrick's Day

����Green carnations for St. Patrick's Day. Today is my husbands favorite holiday so we make it extra special! ���� Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day & the girls had nothing green to wear. So we went to the fabric store this morning, picked out some fabric & came home to sew. They now have new skirts to wear! ���� Saint Patrick's Day feast!! ���� 

The way that my husband loves St. Patrick's Day you would think he was fully Irish. To him, that 1/4 of Irish blood running through his veins is everything. He waits for this holiday the other 364 days of the year like a child waits for their birthday. Growing up for me, this was a day to wear green and eat corned beef and cabbage. It was a bright spot in the month but not huge. That has changed for me since I met my husband.

We have been planning for today since the beginning of March. And Marie-Therese got in on the excitement this year. She had great plans for art, gifts for us all, things to do. When the calendar hit March 1st, I ignored the snowstorm swirling outside and we put green all over the house. Yesterday I was informed by my fashion conscious 5 year old that she had nothing green to wear and that was a tragedy! I had a thought to go to the mall to try to find something but I had no desire to do that. So we went on a quick trip to the big box craft store and found some perfect fabric to make a St. Patrick's Day skirt. It had shamrocks, rainbows AND sparkles. She quickly declared it the most perfect fabric ever and then found some owl fabric to make her sister a skirt too.

Thankfully I have been in the mood to sew and those sweet skirts were made up in no time. This morning dawned gray and rainy but I wasn't going to let that dampen my spirits. We got dressed in our green and headed out to Dunkin Donuts for a shamrock donut, to the grocery store for green carnations (daddy's favorite flowers for his favorite holiday) and then to another craft store to see what they might have for St. Patrick's craft supplies.

This afternoon the clouds parted and the sun shone brightly. There may have been some trips to the window to see if we could see a rainbow (we couldn't) and lots of talk of trying to find a leprechaun so we could share some of his gold. Supper was cooking all afternoon on the stove making our stomachs rumble and more than one trip downstairs during rest time for Marie-Therese to ask if she could "try just one bite because it smells SO GOOD Momma."

This is such a simple holiday to celebrate and I think it's a good lesson, for me at least. We don't need much to bring joy and excitement to our days. It has been a long winter here and I am done. My mood has been suffering lately and I could very easily have slipped into only preparing a corned beef dinner with none of the other little things. But it was those other little things that made my mood lighter today. There isn't much green outside yet so we brought green to our home with the shamrocks hanging from the ceiling and sparkly rainbow skirts for little girls.

Just the feeling that today was something special was enough to bring joy to my heart. Seeing my girls excited for this day made me excited too. Listening to the joy in my husbands voice when he called in the middle of the day lifted my spirits. A holiday in the middle of March is a good idea. I let go of the control I would have had one day not long ago....the pressure to DO IT ALL or don't do anything at all. I didn't do all of the ideas I had, I didn't go over the top, just small, simple things. And because we had a simple celebration it was that much more special. There is no need to do things up big all the time. It takes the pressure off. Today gave us all something to look forward to.

Tonight all four of us are going to bed with tummies stuffed full and hearts bursting with gratitude that daddy is part Irish and proud of it!

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Weekending

We went outside for almost an hour. The bright blue sky, brilliant sunshine, the amazing fresh air helped us all. The 1 year old spent her time slowly walking around & playing the dirt; the 5 year shoveled snow and looked for fairy messages. I watched the

This weekend has been full of rain and gray. The picture above was taken Friday afternoon when the girls and I got outside for awhile. It was wonderful!

Yesterday morning they were talking about it being a rainy day so I went out to do some grocery shopping and spend some quiet alone time at Church. By the time I got home it was raining.

So there was lunch & picking up the house before rest time.

The baby napped in her bed
The husband napped on the couch
and 
Marie-Therese and I rested up in my bed. She watched some shows on the iPad and I began a new book.

After a few hours I came downstairs to bake a squash pie in honor of pi day and make calzones for supper.

There was supper and pie and books and bath and bed.

Momma is sick and tired of this gray weather. It's starting to affect my mood pretty badly. I have tried to not let it, and snap out of it....but it's not so easy some days! My poor people. Here's hoping spring arrives very soon so we can spend lots of time outside soaking up sunshine!

Today was Church and then home for lunch and rest again. I finished the book from yesterday, knit a little bit and did a little pick up around the house. Oh I also made a chocolate cream pie to bring to my sister-in-laws tonight. Still celebrating pi day!

Linking up for the first time in a few months with Karen!

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Moments

5:30. Still light out. I love it.

The other night the sunset was amazing. The pink & purples were so deep. There is nothing like a late winters sunset. (Except a summers sunset!) After thinking how beautiful it was, my first thought was "I need to capture this in a picture." So I grabbed my phone and ran from the kitchen window, to the dining room window and then upstairs to the bathroom window and Marie-Therese's window. I was getting frustrated because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't quite get the vibrancy of the colors, or the stunning views I was seeing.

Before I knew it the colors weren't quite so THERE. It was still beautiful but if I wasn't careful I would miss it. Yes I would have seen the colors, the sun setting, but I was on the verge of missing the EXPERIENCE. Of the few moments of entering into the moment, standing there and simply taking in the brilliance of the painted sky.

No matter how beautiful the picture would turn out, nothing compares to being fully in the moment & experiencing it first hand. By rushing up and downstairs I was missing some moments of color, I was missing the opportunity to stand and simply be for a few moments with a beautiful sky. Pictures are wonderful and I won't stop taking them, but I have to recognize that no picture, at any time, will ever capture the true beauty of a moment. Because a picture captures a tiny second of a moment and I want to enter into the whole moment, body and soul. To have the details, the sensations, ingrained into my memory and my body.

When Marie-Therese noticed my frantic running up and down the stairs she went up to her bedroom (she already knows the best view for watching sunsets) and stood there looking out, marveling. She said the sky looked magical and the fairies must be so happy to be dancing out in those colors tonight.

Yes. That is what I to remember. Her description that needed no picture taken. I hope to remember this in the future. Take a picture, then put down the phone or the camera and enter into the moment. Allow my mind and body to capture the experience, they will do a better job at remembering than any picture ever could.

Monday, February 23, 2015

A new day

Journaling as the sun comes over the horizon. It made my pages glow this morning.

I sit in the early morning quiet
in the dark, the shadows of the trees---
do I see them? Or simply know they are there?
I look up from the page and suddenly
in only seconds
the sun is there.
A great ball of brightness
soft golden light streaming in
illuminating the journal page
the beams hit softly, enlightening the words.
I watch as the world welcomes the dawn.
What was sleeping moments ago
now is wide awake, greeting this new day
The sun beams waste no time---
green leaves in shadows now glow
the spider's web invisible moments ago,
becomes a stringed instrument the light plays upon
Grass of green has a blanket of yellow leaves
that appear to give off golden heat
In the bath of sun beams I can hear the world exclaim:
a new day
a fresh day
a day of renewal.
This is the suns promise:
today is a new day
Burst forth upon the world
bring your beauty, your talent
and shine along with me
Make the world glow
Enter into this new day,
this new day full of promise and possibility
Awaken now.
Step forth and shine.

This was written as part of Corinne's Writing Naturally course last October. I am planning on sharing a few pieces from that time this week! 

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Today

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I was going to come here with excuses, reasons for not having blogged. And a list of things I hope to start posting here. But really it boils down to the fact that I have been living life, enjoying my family, spending my on-line time on Instagram, and writing in places other than here (or anywhere on-line really). I decided that 2015 will be the year of writing. Not just getting the words out, I am getting pretty good at that. But of sharing my words, honing my skills, asking for and getting critique on them. And I hope to use this space of mine to do more of that. I was afraid it wouldn't fit in here, but I've never really developed a "theme" and there will still be posts about my girls, or the projects we have done. But my plan is to use this space to put myself out there a bit more, to continue to develop ideas, courses, share the beauty in my world with all of you.

No excuses, no more reasons of why I shouldn't pick blogging back up again, no expectations. Just a natural evolution of things as life flows along. I have decided that today will be the day I stop analyzing everything and begin to put in motion ideas & dreams that have been percolating in my brain for months now. And a big one is to starting writing here again. 

This winter has seemed to be going on for forever. Although when I think about it, it really began barely a month ago. In less than a month we have had two blizzards, at least five other smaller storms, and days upon days of frigid temperatures. Add to the weather that I have had two big sicknesses, the stomach bug went through every single one of us, the girls had colds from December 5 through the start of January and my motivation and get up and go has been missing.

Rather than continue to sit and moan about how I have things I want to do, accomplish I have decided that I will begin making concrete steps to working on those dreams! I look forward to being back here in this space. It feels a bit like coming home after a time away, and at the same time like a fresh start!